No Title...just a quick thought

My life has been a rocky one in the last ten years, but I believe with all my heart that things are looking up more this year than they have for a long time. I have a lot of peace in my life, a lot of serenity and I care about things more than I have in a long time.

My husband, Gary, killed himself in 1999 the Sunday after Thanksgiving. His decision to do that has impacted my life profoundly. It takes many years to get past that kind of loss. There were other situations which were very disturbing and sad to me which happened almost simultaneously with my loss of Gary. I have been depressed a lot and I have kept to myself more than I like to admit. The good news is that the last few months I have begun to feel lonely and to desire finding people to really become good friends with again. I didn’t feel that way for so many years. I felt numb. I was in a new place when Gary died and then I chose to move to yet another new place because I couldn’t stay there and I couldn’t go home.

It was good to fade away from the thick of things. It was good to have my privacy because I was such a wreck. It was hard to be so isolated but it was a better solution than to be such a broken up mess of a woman in front of people I grew up around. In a larger town I could be heal without people feeling sorry for me. I had no idea it would take me so long to heal.

I am blogging tonight because I have felt a terrific pressure to get some of this off of my mind lately. So, perhaps as the holiday season approaches and I am reminded of a distant Sunday night after Thanksiving God’s gentle Spirit is pressing me to be release the last of the remnants of my loss.

I will never grow to my full potential until I am free to completely leave that era and move forward.